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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Man Sandwich

This is a tale in two parts, one part, unfortunately, I have to report second hand, as I was busy bartending and missed the events as they unfolded. Unbelievably, perhaps because the participants may have been under the influence, I didn't even hear of the event until a week later.

A little background may be necessary here. My cousin and her husband are regulars at the bar. One of my cousin's close friends from high school, a recently single mom with several children, showed up with a few of her friends. The downstairs bar was very busy, and it was late, after 1am, so the dance floor was a mess of drunken bodies. And I mean a mess. This is during both colleges alumni weekends, so there was a lot of out of practice drinkers in their 30's and beyond on the dance floor, which always makes for a pleasant scene.

My cousin's friend, we will call her Sarah, pulls my cousin's husband, Scott, onto the dance floor. Meanwhile, my cousin, Jill, is watching. This occurs just after Sarah has been involved in a serious man sandwich, the likes of which I was unfortunate enough to witness.

A man sandwich is my term for a threesome of dancers, two guys and one girl. The interesting thing about a man sandwich is that the two men are obviously straight, yet the participants are out of order, so that one guy is grinding on the other guy, who is grinding on the girl. This situation requires copious amounts of alcohol. I have witnessed it many times. This particular man sandwich was unique, however. Because of the unusually warm weather we have been experiencing, the downstairs bar was very hot last weekend. One guy decided to take off his shirt, and others followed. So the two guys, both in desperate need of regular gym visits, were not only grinding on each other, but doing so shirtless, and covered with sweat. And Sarah happily jumped on the man sandwich train.

At some point shortly thereafter, my cousin's friend, Sarah, pulled my cousin's husband, Scott onto the dance floor. Nothing too remarkable about that. She then proceeds to rip his shirt off. And I mean off. Buttons flying, the works. Before he can even react, she starts sucking on his nipples. In the middle of the dance floor, right in front of her good friend, his wife. She sticks her hand down his pants, and then begins to unzip his fly, all the while telling him how she doesn't really want to fuck him. At this point, Scott, realizing a volitile situation when he sees one, runs. And fast. Jill is just standing there shell shocked. Of course Sarah, drunk as hell, happily moves on to the next man sandwich.

At the end of the night, I'm standing on a riser, waiting for the crowd to disburse and watching the door. One of the man sandwich participants, on his way out, says to his buddy, "I can't fucking believe this place. Somebody stole my shirt".

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